Alan, a personal trainer with calf muscles as impressive as his aspirations, dreamed of revolutionising global health. He imagined a world where his food and fitness programs would not only sculpt bodies but also improve global wellness. However, Alan faced a less visible challenge—his mind was as cluttered with doubts as his bedroom with sex toys and panties.

 

One morning, while sipping his protein shake laced with a hint of existential dread, Alan flipped open his journal. It was time for some cognitive restructuring, a fancy term he’d learned that basically meant arguing with himself on paper. He wrote down his recurring thought: “Its taking too long, I need to be 10 levels higher already!” Beneath it, he jotted counterarguments, like “good things take time, think of all the people you have helped transform their lives. If he could inspire thousands across NZ, surely, he could handle a global business.

 

All fizzed up, Alan decided to tackle his fear of rejection through a behavioural experiment. He announced a free workshop titled “Fuck Butter, Lift Properly, Live Forever." Expecting an audience comprising his lonely gym socks, he was shocked when actual humans showed up and enthusiastically participated. "Maybe I'm not as invisible as my high school crush made me feel, Bitch” he chuckled.

 

Next on his self-improvement checklist was exposure therapy. Alan had always avoided deep personal connections, fearing emotional pain would hit harder than a kettlebell. He started small, bushing the boat out further and further as he gathered confidence to speak his deep truth. Each non-catastrophic situation after another, slowly defrosting his icy fears of connection.

 

Activity scheduling and goal setting were up next. Every Sunday, Alan planned his week with military precision, plotting out tasks from creating workout playlists to researching boss AF smoothie recipes. This not only kept him from overwhelming panic but also prevented the existential crises that typically followed unscheduled afternoons.

 

Incorporating mindfulness into his routine, Alan tried sitting quietly each morning, focusing on his breath. It was challenging at first—his thoughts jumped more than his girlfriend on a.. (fill in the blank)… But over time, he learned to observe his anxious thoughts with detachment, like watching waves roll in at the beach.

 

Self-compassion became his secret weapon. Whenever the old familiar chorus of self-critique hummed in his mind after a less-than-perfect day, he’d remind himself, “You're doing your best, and that's more than enough. Even Superman has kryptonite to worry about!”

 

With a blend of humour and relentless determination, Alan not only moved closer to his dream of changing the world but also transformed his inner world. He realised that the path to revolutionising global health started with strengthening his own mental resilience—one thought LOOP at a time.

 

GAME FUCKING ON!